god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
