He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
