you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
