DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
