if you like me you must not know who I am
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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