No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
