i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
