It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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