maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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