I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
