his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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