Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think people are normalizing furries
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize