I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
