My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
