So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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