Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
