I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
These tits shall not be calmed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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