what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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