chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
