I faked an abortion last night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
