was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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