i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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