life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
