i need an iv and a liver transplant
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
