How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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