I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
