I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
