got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
