if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
