We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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