Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
