Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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