SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
