i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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