Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
