there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
