a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
