I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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