I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
