just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
