You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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