So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I wish I could teleport
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
