Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
