Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
