dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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