Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
