It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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