You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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