May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
