yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
