i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
