you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
