dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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