apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
