I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
