i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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