His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
