At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
