I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
