I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
