that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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