her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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