I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
