I wish I only lived at night.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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