I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't deserve a penis
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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