I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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