when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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