she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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